The one most important mistake we can make here in this church is not rising up and accepting our responsibility to stand up, go forth and speak in a loud voice in the political arena. Especially where it counts most, no matter where it might be. Otherwise if we ignore it, we face the threat of losing our way of life as we know it.

Therefore I must stress that everyone who knows what is important must do what is right and let their votes be heard in every election, from dog catcher to president.

That is how we emphasize our commitment to doing what is good, you see, and what sets us apart.

No other issue is ever as important as this. If we are not 1000% devoted to keeping up with every issue, from Blue Laws to What Movies To Watch, to being aware what swimsuits are allowable on public beaches, to what time liquor and alcohol stores can open and start selling cigarettes and girlie magazines on Sunday, then otherwise who can say what will happen to the world?

Then whose fault would it be? Not mine, if you don't let your voice be heard.

For crying out loud people, if allow ourselves to be distracted by anything other than this, then who do we expect to be in control of anything?

People, as we approach the arrival of the New Year known as 2007, I must confess that I have not made no New Year's resolutions. I do not make no resolutions and neither should you, you see.

The reason is that if we make resolutions, that's the same thing as admitting right off the bat that we have not always been right, that we must correct our course and that we have not been right where we want to be all along.

We are already right where we wanna be and have been that way for more years than I can remember. Even old man Hitchensnout, who is 103 years old this June, cannot remember a time when we met in a different building, sung different hymns or painted the vestibule.

If you must make a resolution this year, resolve to turn yourself around 360 degrees and get yourself right, to find one place where you're comfortable and then hunker down and stay there, satisfied with what you done and all that you have achieved, so that you may take pride in setting the right example for our children and young people to follow as they grow, even though I can't stand having them in the service in the first place.

People, for Pete's sake.

The only thing I wanted for Christmas this year, the only thing I dropped hints about endlessly, the only thing I left circled in plain view from the catalog was a snow-blower.

The idea of being trapped in the driveway is no way to live.

But do you think for one moment that's what I got? No sir.

My wife had a better idea and got me something called electric nose-hair trimmers. Her excuse was I didn't need no snow blower but needed nose-hair trimmers.

And after I went to the trouble of buying her a Tivo for the TV instead of new kitchen cabinets we don't need, because I seldom ever go in the kitchen in the first place except to see what's taking so long, you see.

Sometimes I wonder about that woman and why she can't act right even one day out of the year.

Looks like she ruined Christmas for me again this year and can't ever figure out the reason why I act like Scrooge when she makes me that way.

If you missed our Seniors ringing all the joy out of their Christmas bells at this morning's service then people, you just plumb missed out.

Now let me say one more thing about our gifts and presents.

From the slim turn-out for today's Christmas Eve service, I suspect the most popular gift Santy Claus will be bringing this year is sacks of coal.

Many of you deserve not even that much, you see.

Today I have two announcements to make which we will all receive as good news.

As you know, we were contacted recently by the members of another local church who were interested in "sharing" services with us for Christmas. People, in the first place I know nothing about these people except that I do not like the color they painted their steeple.

In the second place this idea of mingling of the members is all new. Therefore I cannot support it and will not discuss it.

I do not want to see our pews filled with people who don't belong here, especially when they have their own place to go.

The second piece of news is that we received several requests this week that I sing a solo with the choir during the Christmas Eve service. Those of you who have heard me sing already know there is no other sound on earth quite like it.

Therefore we will hold nominations to form a Song Singing Committee, which will then hold a series of meetings and discussions to recommend which songs I should sing.

Having the chance to form a new committee right at Christmas time might just be the best gift of all..

Those of you who wonder what's wrong with the world need only turn on your TVs and see all of it. Even as I write this I am hearing that a Miss USA beauty pageant queen in New York will not hear YOU'RE FIRED but was told to stop her carousing, wrong-doing and acknowledge what she done wrong.

Instead of tossing her out on to be ridiculed and scorned publicly, and made an example of as she deserves, the big man in charge is giving her a second chance.

A second chance? Don't he know people never change?

People, handing out second chances just for the asking is the craziest idea I ever heard.

People, do not forget that this coming Wednesday night in place of our usual Wednesday night service, we will be gathering instead on the mall parking lot to protest all the stores who take advantage of Christmas to pour filth into our community by selling yard decoration snowmen who are not wearing pants.

I have never understood why a Mrs Snowman is often seen wearing a shawl but nobody ever thinks to make Frosty put on some britches and stay covered up, you see.

We suggest everyone bring along signs saying the same thing, so we look united on the TV news. "Frosty Is XXX-Rated" and "Not In My Yard!" are my favorites.

PS. Deacon Murl pointed out that reindeer are in fact wild animals and as such should also be required to wear some sort of riding blanket or overalls to hide their nakedness as well.

I support this notion and wished I'd thought of it myself.